To all the Mothers I know… and this means the single and gay fathers who are “mothering” their children while “fathering” them too. And to all those who mother “children” of whatever sort…This proves that Mother is beyond any class or category we want to put on it.
From my friend Lisa:
Dan Cusick, a longtime AIDS activist, LGBT community leader, and friend to San Francisco’s recovery community died on April 23, 2009 from complications related to Hepatitis C while awaiting a liver transplant. He was surrounded by all seven of his brothers and sisters, as well as several of his many many friends. He was fifty years old.
A memorial service will be held on May 30, 2009 at the Most Holy Redeemer Church, 100 Diamond Street, Followed by a Celebration of Life and Community March.
Dan Cusick moved to San Francisco in 1990 at the height of the AIDS epidemic and was himself a longtime AIDS survivor. Early access to combination antiretroviral therapies in the mid-90s allowed him to be among the longest surviving persons infected with PML, a once fatal AIDS-related complication.
Immediately upon arrival in San Francisco, Mr. Cusick devoted his life to the fight against HIV/AIDS and to supporting the recovery community. He instantly became a driving force in ACT UP Golden Gate, later renamed SURVIVE AIDS, an AIDS activist group noted for their willingness to engage in non-violent civil disobedience.
Shortly after joining ACT UP Golden Gate, he began volunteering at Project Inform, the nation’s premier and oldest community-based HIV treatment advocacy organization. In an era before antiretroviral therapies were available, Project Inform volunteers were an enormous resource for people living with HIV/AIDS desperately fighting for their lives.
He counseled individuals around the country on PI’s legendary hotline and he assisted the agency in its historic advocacy for effective treatments against HIV/AIDS. He volunteered there for many years.
Ironically, the ability to transplant organs into individuals with HIV like himself was only made possible several years ago due to the work of these two AIDS organization that he was most closely associated with.
Beginning in 2002, Dan Cusick managed the Castro Country Club, a clean and sober social space in the heart of San Francisco’s Castro neighborhood with deep roots in the community. Housed in a humble Edwardian on 18th Street for over a quarter century, it provides a modest refuge of support to hundreds of individuals seeking a life free of alcohol and drugs each week through its all-volunteer staff.
He was the inspirational and unwavering leader of the Club working tirelessly to insure that its doors remained opened to those in need. Open every day, the Castro Country Club is a program of Baker Places, Inc.
Michael Lauro, a longtime community activist who worked with Cusick for many years, said: “When you look at the totality of his Dan’s work, he saved more lives than anyone I know. He had a heart large enough to save the world.”
Last year when the club celebrated its 25th anniversary, Cusick himself commented: “This is a place where people come when they are in trouble. I see people come here and put their lives back together and it really gives me hope.”
Mr. Cusick was also a driving force in California State Assemblyman Tom Ammiano’s historic write-in campaign for mayor of San Francisco in 1999. More recently, he provided invaluable service as a member of Mayor Gavin Newsom’s task force on methamphetamine.
In 2008, he was sainted by the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence as “Dan the Man, Catch Him If You Can.” Sister Maudlin Mascara commented, “Dan was a Saint already to so many in the community, we just gave him a paper to hang on his wall to show what everyone already knew.”
Memorial donations can be made to the Castro Country Club, 4060 18th Street, San Francisco, 94114.
My beloved friend, activist, community organizer, sober alcoholic, and trusted servant died yesterday surrounded by friends and family from complications of HIV and HEP C. He passed peacefully and with such grace. A smile on his face as we bathed his body and sent him to whatever is next.
My earliest memory of Dan is a laughing and smiling guy that was friends with my friend Dean. We met at Gay Pride in 1992-1993, I can’t remember exactly, but my friend Dean who I was in town visiting insisted that Dan meet me at Gay Pride (Dean was in his own dying process) and in Dean’s words, “Make sure you have some fun for at least a little bit”.
See that’s who Dan and Dean and so many of my friends are. Joyful, and Caring, and being of service. People tell me all kinds of complimentary things, but all I can think is that I learned it from the folks who surrounded me and surround me. The world and my friends are my example; my inspiration. All of what I know about being kind, being of service, being caring and loving, is from these people seeing it in me, and teaching me how to bring it out and use it. All of these men who I have sat with as they died, who I have loved, who I have been blessed to have in my life saw in me, and encouraged me to find in myself these things which make me the man I am.
IN AA we say “Let us Love you until you can learn to love yourself”. Dan was a shining example of that. I have seen him love and counsel, and care for so many people. Those of us who weren’t new, he showed us a deeper level to our capacity to love, and be loved. To let our own light shine, and all he expected in return is that we pass it on.
So here is to you my friend. May your love and light continue to be passed on through me, and the countless others you inspired, picked up, and carried, calling us to action and service. I will miss you deeply and your legacy is forever etched in the rooms and in the world.
The lack of understanding is the basis for every internal knot. It is difficult for our mind to accept that it has negative feelings like anger, fear, and regret, so it finds ways to bury these in remote areas of our consciousness. We create elaborate defense mechanisms to deny their existence, but these problematic feelings are always trying to surface. If we practice mindfulness, we can learn the skill of recognizing a knot the moment it is tied in us and finding ways to untie it. Internal formations need our full attention as soon as they form, while they are still loosely tied, so that the work of untying them will be easy.
I believe that the more I practice, the more I allow myself to experience whatever is happening, without “adding” my story or opinion to it, the less these “knots” are formed at all. This is practice that is more than sitting on the cushion, it’s paying attention throughout the day to how you feel, what is your response to each event, what is the formations that happen as this or that experience happens? Can I see this experience without adding my story or opinion to it, or at least see my story and opinion for what they are too?
I am not saying I do this everytime, or even most of the time, but when I can, I notice that these knots or hooks are not created. The event doesn’t come back to haunt me later, but instead is allowed to arise and pass away as it is, unhindered.
How about you?
I have taken the last couple of days to get away from Temple Life, and enjoy life under a lemon tree. It’s been a great time of deep reflection, and an opportunity to get out from under my own ideas about what is going on and look at them with a fresh view.
I had a very short article published in “Turning Wheel” which is the publication of the Buddhist Peace Fellowship. I have finally gotten a chance to read the rest of the articles, and I am feeling a need to write a few more words.
I will write some more about my ideas around sexuality and Buddhism at a later date. Mostly because I don’t want to inadvertently let my words get connected to someone who they aren’t really meant to be connected to.
Anyway. I really just wanted to invite folks to check out the article, and to let me know what they think.
Kindness
by Naomi Shihab Nye
from The Words Under the Words: Selected Poems
Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare out the window forever.Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,
you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
how he too was someone
who journeyed through the night with plans
and the simple breath that kept him alive.Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to mail letters and
purchase bread,
only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
it is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you every where
like a shadow or a friend.
I had a major button pushed the other day. What is interesting to me is that my first reaction wasn’t to run away from it, it wasn’t to talk it out with someone so I could “get over it”. Instead my first reaction was “Interesting, let’s see where this goes.” I did lash out at someone, to whom I will apologize, but mostly I have been watching it, studying it, wondering what is there.
I am grateful for the practice that has given me the ability to see myself as I am, and not need to make it different.
This concept is the one I find hardest to hold onto. I have moments of rest in it and find great comfort there. But I can never really hold onto it for long. My insecurity, my self doubt, my old stories soon come back into my mind and I find myself locked on one more time.
This AM, as I sat anger and frustration arose and was taking root. I had a short reprieve during the Full Moon, Bodhisattva ceremony, but then breakfast came and it was back in all it’s glory. Reading this in my email this AM gave me comfort, and something to use as a mantra as I continue my day.
[T]his enlightenment of the Buddha’s was profound and brilliant, accurate and powerful, and also warm and compassionate. It was like the sun behind the clouds. Anyone who has taken off in an airplane on a grim and gloomy day knows that beyond the cloud cover the sun is always shining. Even at night the sun is shining, but then we can’t see it because the earth is in the way, and probably our pillow also. The Buddha explained that behind the cloud cover of thoughts–including very heavy clouds of emotionally charged thoughts backed up by entrenched habitual patterns–there is continual warm, bright, loving intelligence constantly shining. And even though in the midst of thoughts, emotions, and habitual patterns, intelligence may become dulled and confused, it is still this intelligence in the midst of thoughts and emotions and habits that makes them so very captivating, so resourceful and various, so inexhaustible.
via Pam’s House Blend: This is why I think this man is so amazing, and why it’s such a shame more folks didn’t get to here his powerful words for President Obama.
(My name is Gene Robinson) … and I serve as episcopal bishop of New Hampshire. Last June my partner of 28 years and I, Mark Andrew and I, were joined in a civil union, for which we are very grateful.
I’m here to ask your support in making the promise of equality under the law a reality in New Hampshire by allowing us to translate that second class status into the civil right of marriage.
Since January 1, 2008, some 600 civil unions have been enacted. Think about what you were told eighteen months ago by those who wanted you to be fearful of this action.
Has western civilization as we know it come to an end?
Has your marriage to your opposite sex partner been undermined, in any way, by my professed love for and commitment to my partner?
Has the family been eroded as a cornerstone of our society, or has it been strengthened by the solemn and genuine committments taken on by gay and lesbian couples in this state?
Does any reasonable person believe that these 600 committed couples threaten the state or the society or your marriages in any way?
The fears were unfounded.
It turns out that you were right to do what you did. And now it is time to finish what you started, by making our relationships equal in the eyes of the law, and in the minds of the public, by granting marriage equality under the law to all citizens of New Hampshire.
Let me briefly speak to two concerns you might have, especially as it relates to people of faith.
First, those who would continue to discriminate against some of our citizens, would tell you that we are changing the definition and meaning of marriage. They are absolutely right. But what they are WRONG about is in claiming that “marriage has always had ONE meaning”, up until now.
Marriage for men in the Old Testament included multiple wives, not to mention concubines, if you were wealthy enough. Marriage until the Middle Ages was all about property, legitimacy of heirs, and inheritance rights. So decidely so that common people and serfs on an estate were not even encouraged to marry, since there was nothing to inherit, anyways.
While marriage has served many purposes historically, including procreation, we have never prohibited from marrying, those unable to procreate, either because of infertility or advanced age.
And just 40 years ago, we changed the definition of marriage to include people of different races, a change in definition that allowed Barack Obama’s parents to be married. The definition of marriage has always been evolving and the inclusion of same gender partners is simply the next logical revision of that evolution.
The second, the thing I most want you to remember most from my testimony is this: Religions and people of faith have nothing to fear from this bill.
Indeed, many congregations, including those here in the Diocese of New Hampshire, already celebrate and bless the uniting of two people of the same gender in love, responsibility and mutual committment.
Permitting two people of the same sex to declare their love for one other and to assume the responsibilities of civil marriage will affect religion in NO way.
House Bill #436 makes very explicit the continuing right that NO religious organization or clergyperson is obligated or otherwise required by law to officiate at ANY particular civil marriage, in violation of their first amentment freedom of religion. No denomination or faith tradition will be required to approve of the marriage of two same gender citizens.
Let’s be clear: Civil marriage is a civil action, which has gotten confused in our society, only because clergy have been permitted to act as agents of the state, in signing marriage licenses and thereby enacting civil marriages. The STATE affects a civil marriage.
Churches, synagogues and mosques may pronounce God’s blessings on these marriages, if they choose, but civil marriages are still bona fide marriages, even if they are not presided over by a member of the clergy.
All the rights, priviledges, and responsibilities of civil marriage pertain, even if there was nothing religious involved or intended.
This is clearer in countries like France, where everyone is married at the mayor’s office- then those couples who are religious and desire a blessing, go to their place of worship for such a service.
Civil marriage is a civil act, proven by the reality that when a marriage comes unravelled, the couple doesn’t go back to the church or synagogue where the service was performed to dissolve that marriage, but to the state and its courts.
‘Holy Matrimony’, that is affirming the vows made in marriage in the presence of God and in God’s church, will remain undisturbed or unchanged in any way. And no denomination or faith tradition will be required to approve of the marriage of two same gender citizens.
As a religious person and a Bishop of the Church, permit me to ask my religious collegues who might object to marriage equality: is it right to force our religious beliefs on the rest of the citizens of this state? Just because my particular faith does not bless such marriages, does that mean that the civil right to marriage should be denied to the citizens of New Hampshire?
Just as we cherish our rights as religious people, not to be infringed upon by the state, so the state should be be infringed upon by the particular beliefs of the church.
One purpose of the state is to protect equally all of its citizens, no matter their religious beliefs. Later today, you will consider making sure that our transgender citizens are protected from violence and discrimination, a bill I support wholeheartedly.
And in this bill, you are merely giving all of our citizens the same and equal right, to live productive lives in stable and recognized marriages. Equal protection under the law is the dream and the promise of America.
There is hardly a more-oft repeated phrase in the Old and New Testaments that this: “Be Not Afraid.”
Ladies and gentleman of the Judiciary Committee, don’t let the religious opponents to marriage equality you will hear from today and in the days to come, make you afraid to do what is right. As Americans we are promised equal protection under the law, and the inalieneable right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.
“Be Not Afraid” to make this equal protection a reality for ALL of the citizens of New Hampshire.
Thank you.
Today my heart broke at yet another “accident” by the Obama Team. I was flabbergasted and left without words. The pain was evident in everything I said and did. This evening, a friend wrote the below note, and with his permission I share it with you. His eloquence unclenched my heart and allowed the pain to find release. Thank you Bryan.
Dear Friends,
Tomorrow we will witness an historic moment in our nation’s history: A citizen, who happens to be an African-American, will be sworn in as president of our nation. Facing the world and the Lincoln Memorial commemorating the author of the Emancipation Proclamation, the document that promised liberation for an entire people. Upon these same steps, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said to the world “I have a Dream.” Tomorrow, in some small yet marvelous and poignant way, this dream comes true, for everyone.
I can say, with tears of joy in my eyes: On this day, I am proud to be an American.
Also tomorrow, Pastor Rick Warren will deliver the Inauguration Day invocation. Here is a man who publicly equates gay marriage with incest and bestiality, bars gays from becoming members of his Saddleback Church, and lobbied for Proposition 8.
As a “well-mannered” gay-activist, I’m “trained” to say: I am very sad and disappointed at this choice.
Upon learning of this choice, I asked “Why? With entire human race watching this moment of unity, why would Obama chose such a man as spiritual elder of the moment? A man who dismisses LGBT people in his public speech? A man who folds discrimination into his spiritual teaching?
In response to our concerns, the Obama transition team decided to invite Gene Robinson, openly gay Episcopal Bishop, to give the invocation at another inauguration event.
Sadly, today, upon tuning in to HBO’s coverage of the inauguration event and Bishop Robinson’s invocation, I learned that his prayer would not be televised. Not on HBO, not on NBC, not on CNN . . . not on any TV network.
The Obama team arranged that Bishop Robinson’s prayer not be shown on television. The Obama team scheduled Robinson’s invocation 5 minutes before HBO’s coverage of the event was to begin. Since HBO had bought exclusive rights to televise the event, no other news stations were permitted to film Robinson’s prayer. Thus, Americans not sitting on the National Mall were not able to hear it.
Further, due to what the Obama team calls a “technical malfunction” the viewers at the Mall themselves were also not able to hear Bishop Robinson’s prayer. The Obama team responded with, “Sorry, the speakers were broken.”
President-elect Obama was not present for Bishop Robinson’s prayer. He arrived at the Lincoln memorial by motorcade with his family, 5 minutes after Robinson finished his prayer. By then, the speaker system was working perfectly.
I am reminded of a quote by Dr. Martin Luther King. “We will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” Obama has said many times “I am a friend of the LGBT community.”
Mr. Obama, are you a “silent friend?”
Dr. King also said “there can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love.” Mr. Obama, I love what you stand for, and I love my country. I still believe, Yes We Can, as I did when I campaigned door-to-door for you.
But today, I heard Bishop Robinson’s prayer silenced by a “scheduling error”, “technical malfunctions”, and your notable absence. Tomorrow, I will hear the words of a man who compares me to a pedophile - broadcast around the world.
President Obama, when will LGBT Americans hear from you?I am still listening. The whole world is listening.
Bryan Hopping, MS IV
Touro University College of MedicineFrom the transcript of Bishop Robinson’s prayer:
God of our many understandings, we pray that you will bless us with anger — at discrimination, at home and abroad, against refugees and immigrants, women, people of color, gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people.
Bless us with discomfort — at the easy, simplistic ‘answers’ we’ve preferred to hear from our politicians, instead of the truth, about ourselves and the world, which we need to face if we are going to rise to the challenges of the future.
Bless us with patience — and the knowledge that none of what ails us will be ‘fixed’ anytime soon, and the understanding that our new president is a human being, not a messiah.Bless us with humility — open to understanding that our own needs must always be balanced with those of the world.
Bless us with freedom from mere tolerance — replacing it with a genuine respect and warm embrace of our differences, and an understanding that in our diversity, we are stronger.
At least the Fundies had the balls to hate me to my face:
Contacted Sunday night by AfterElton.com concerning the exclusion of Robinson’s prayer, HBO said via email, “The producer of the concert has said that the Presidential Inaugural Committee made the decision to keep the invocation as part of the pre-show.”
Uncertain as to whether or not that meant that HBO was contractually prevented from airing the pre-show, we followed up, but none of the spokespeople available Sunday night could answer that question with absolute certainty.
However, it does seem that the network’s position is that they had nothing to do with the decision.
The San Francisco Zen Center community is saddened to learn that Rabbi Alan Lew, former resident practitioner who led many guest season retreats at Tassajara (one was scheduled for the summer of 2009) that bridged Judaism and Buddhism, unexpectedly died on Monday, January 12.
News reports say that Rabbi Lew, who was 65, passed away while out jogging. He was leading a meditation retreat on the East Coast.
Alan Lew is remembered for his work as a social activist, advocating for the homeless and poor, and leading protests at San Quentin against the death penalty. He studied Zen for ten years before attending seminary and ordaining as a Conservative Rabbi in the 1980s. For fourteen years he served as rabbi of Congregation Beth Sholom and founded, with former Zen Center Abbot Zoketsu Norman Fischer, Makor Or, now a program of the San Francisco Jewish Community Center.
Abbot Paul Haller expressed his sadness at the loss of Rabbi Lew and his appreciation for Alan’s association with San Francisco Zen Center, “His practice was a great benefit to Zen Hospice and Zen Center.”
Rabbi Lew was the author of three books: One God Clapping: The Spiritual Path of a Zen Rabbi (with Sherril Jaffe); This Is Real and You Are Completely Unprepared: The Days of Awe as a Journey of Transformation; and Be Still and Get Going: A Jewish Meditation Practice for Real Life.
This evening’s service—Wednesday, January 14 at 6:20 pm—in the City Center zendo will be dedicated to Rabbi Lew.
Information from the Everyday Zen web site:
The funeral service will be held on Thursday, January 15, at 12 noon at Congregation Beth Sholom, located at 301-14th Avenue (near the corner of Clement Street), San Francisco. For information, call Synagogue Beth Sholom at 415.221.8736.
I had the honor of meeting Rabbi Lew on a few occasions. He always struck me as one of those people who is incredibly present. I always felt totally included by him in the moment. I will miss his presence.
I think this is an interesting take on the messaging to Gay Men. I think it’s interesting in that it shows us in a positive light, and also as thinking human beings, not as simply creatures of our habits and dicks. That said. I am still not sure why when Men who have sex with Men have sex without a condom it’s called “Barebacking” and when straight people do it, it’s called Sex.
I am really upset about the young african american man who was killed by BART Police this week. I am equally upset by the violence and destruction of the City of Oakland last night.
I understand protests, I understand anger, and I understand the sense of helplessness that one has to simply “do something about”. I am just sad that so many felt that violence and hurting so many small businesses was part of their solution.
I don’t know. As a man who has assumed privilege the only time I am in danger of being shot for no reason is if I am seen as gay. I can hide. So maybe I am off base, maybe I have no room to talk.
Violence of all kinds hurts my heart. I cry for young Oscar Grant and his family. I cry for the losses of a community that lost more than Oscar last week.
I wonder how many white kids were there? I wonder why it is when we are hurt and angry we take it out on our own.
I am just confused with lots of thoughts and so much pain. Perhaps I should just be quiet till I understand more.
Goodbye Mr. Oscar Grant. May your legacy be more than a riot. May your family and friends find peace and comfort and may all beings be free of suffering.
This Lady at Huffington Post said something I was trying to say yesterday, but didn’t do nearly as great a job at it.
Rock on Sister!
All of this talk about the new “gay movement” got me thinking about the last “new gay movement” I was a part of. Back in the 80’s there was a lot going on. AIDS was Gay Cancer. By and large the gay community was ignored, and we were left to fend for ourselves as we watched our friends and community die. We were scared, and rightly so.
Act-up was founded out of that fear, and anger, and frustration. What I recall about Act-up are two things. First and foremost it was powerful. Die-ins, closing wall street, real political theater that moved the agenda along. It was so powerful it scared a lot of gay folks along with the targets of the anger and actions. I recall how separated we were as a community then, and in some ways we still are. The leatherclad, fags and dykes reclaiming our power in reaction to, and as a result of complete dismissal. The kahki and button down crowd who think they speak for queers everywhere, tsk tsk ing and telling us we were being too loud, too visible, too much. The angry folks of Act-up and later Queer Nation were repeatedly told they were causing too much trouble. We were making things worse. Sound familiar?
The thing is Act-up worked. So did Queer Nation. We are at the table so those suits who claim to be our leaders can run their mouths because Act-up and Queer Nation demanded it, and caused a scene and wouldn’t go away. It’s amazing to think that before there was an Act-up action, the National Institute of Health, one of the biggest researchers in the WORLD, had no consumer advocacy. The community advisory process came about because Act-up caused a stink at one of their meetings, and we kept coming back, and kept coming back, and demanding to have a voice in the research being done on us. Now we do. I can tell you that those researchers we scared and who relented and let us at the table reluctantly, currently understand how vital it is to have our input. But let’s not forget what got us there.
The other amazing thing about Act-up was it’s focus and diversity. I recall sitting at my first meeting and wondering how in the hell anything got done cause there were fights and arguments, and disagreements, and loud voices. I also remember it being one of the first truly inclusive and diverse groups I had been a part of within the queer community. There was every shade of humanity in that room in West Hollywood, and every variation of gender and sex you could think up. And all of those fights and arguments and disagreements happened because everyone, and I mean everyone got a chance to speak. Meetings went on for hours, and you would think that there was no way we were going to ever get something done, and then it would happen. In the midst of all of that conversation, a tide would change, and next thing you know an action was born. A die in here, a rally here. Out of all of that messiness always came something powerful.
Currently we think we have to control things to get anywhere. If we have a nice neat and orderly revolution things will get done. If we don’t piss off or scare them, they will approve and like us. But that’s not the nature of revolution. Revolutions are messy things. They are ugly and scary and out of control. But if we can stay focused on what we deserve and demand; if we manage to not eat our own in the process; if we can find away back into diversity and truly letting EVERYONE speak; If we can learn from our history; we might stand a chance.
I learned how to be a man of conscience because I learned activism in a place where diversity was demanded. Where we understood that if one of us was left out of the discussion, something important was going to be missed. Where it was the differences that brought us power, not kept us down.
That’s what this “new” movement seems to have forgotten. At least from this old faggots eyes.
To say that Buddhism is transitory, insubstantial and conditional is merely to restate its own understanding of the nature of things. Yet its teachings endlessly warn of the deeply engrained tendency to overlook this reality…. Instead of seeing a particular manifestation of the Dharma as a living spiritual tradition of possibilities contingent upon historical and cultural circumstances, one reifies it into an independently existent, self sufficient fact, resistant to change.
Living continuity requires both change and constancy. Just as in the course of a human life, a person changes from a child to an adolescent to an adult while retaining a recognizable identity (both internally through memory and externally through recurring physical and behavioral traits), so does a spiritual tradition change through the course of its history while retaining a recognizable identity through a continuous affirmation of its axiomatic values. Thus Buddhism will retain its identity as a tradition as long as its practitioners continue to center their lives around the Buddha, Dharma and Sangha and affirm its basic tenets. But precisely how such commitment and affirmation are expressed in different times and places can differ wildly.
The survival of Buddhism today is dependent on its continuing ability to adapt.
I woke up this morning and my first thought was how glad I am to have so many amazing people in my life. They inspire and fortify me at just the right times.
I am grateful for the practice of paying attention, and the times when I am able to actually do that. I am glad for the teachers of all varieties who show up to share just what I need, just when I need it. This is true even if I don’t recognize it at the time.
I am grateful for food, and shelter, and clothing. This is an abundant life when I consider how many are not as blessed as I am. Even in my physical poverty, I have always ALWAYS had friends and loved ones who had my back.
I am grateful for the peace of mind and peace of heart I get to experience most days. This hasn’t always been true in my life, and I appreciate the difference.
I am grateful for the knowledge I have, and the lessons I have learned. Some where painful, but I am stubborn enough that it took a little pain to get it across. I am a better person for it.
I am grateful for you.
Merry Christmas
Happy Hanukah
Happy Kwanzaa
Joyful Seasons Greetings to you all.
As I navigate the landscape trying to find white gay men who are interested in coming together to discuss racism and sexism and become allies in the battle against oppression of all kinds, I have noticed a couple of trends that are leaving me a bit frustrated. I find that I am repeating the same lines over and over, and that not many involved in this discussion (on both sides mind you) are noticing a few key points. I thought I would try to see if I can bring those issues forward into the dialogue and see how they are picked up. It is my hope that we might be able to redirect our efforts into something a bit more fruitful.
First and foremost I want to say that as people with ASSUMED privilege, it is important for us to become aware of and address our relationship to that assumed privilege. As a white man, even a gay white man, I have privilege that is assumed to exist by those who look at me. I may not feel it, I may not be aware of it, but when I look at how strangers or others perceive me, I can see how there is an assumption of privilege. For instance, shop keepers don’t tend to notice if I am gay, but they sure notice that I am white. I am shocked at how often folks assume my heterosexuality, but somehow the assumption of my privilege, and my whiteness goes unnoticed. I went to lunch yesterday to celebrate the end of finals with two classmates. Both female, and both white. We went to Japanese food, and a couple of interesting things happened. First and foremost I noticed that as a non-asian person, I was treated differently. Not poorly, or rudely, but different enough, that I noticed. Secondly as the man at the table, I was asked to order first, I was served first, I was given the beer my friend ordered, while she was given the diet coke I ordered, and finally I was given the check. What makes this interesting is to notice how often that happens. How often am I spoken to first, or dealt with first, or basically pushed to the forefront? As I notice this, I can notice my privilege, and I can begin to do small things to address it. I can notice who actually is the rightful person to “go first” and let them go first, waiting my turn. I can ask that the beer be served to the person who ordered it, and I can make sure that the check is put in the middle of the table. I can do this in a way that doesn’t draw attention to the action, but merely addresses the disparity. “Oh no, please you were here first.” or “please go ahead.” does wonders for moving privilege just enough in my own mind.
The second thing I have been noticing lately is part of the conversation specifically around homophobia and racism, but I think it can be broadened even greater. When dealing with the queer community, it seems we get caught in the “our” issues vs. “their” issues breakdown. I can also notice it in public discussions from within the black community, but I will specifically address it from the context I am most familiar with. I have noticed that black queer leaders are speaking lately about how marriage equality is a “white” issue, and how we haven’t been dealing with our racism, sexism, or reaching out to “them” properly. I hear from white queer folks about so-called reverse racism, or how we should be focused on “our” issues, and how they are tired of reaching out to “them” and how “they” don’t want to even address the homophobia in “their” communities. Are you noticing a trend? I see two specific things going on in this dialogue. First we have the dualistic and destructive construct from our opposition mind you of “us and them”. For years the religious right has been working both sides of the fence in order to separate equality and justice into parcels of land. As the power structure doles out liberties we all are entitled to, they do it in such a way as to make sure to keep up separate, and in opposition to each other. When did justice become a zero-sum equation? When is one person’s suffering and oppression any more or any less than someone else’s? Are you not aware that as long as we continue to let the elite power structure to set us up for opposition to each other, we will always lose?
See racism=homophobia=sexism=oppression=injustice. There is no gradation, there is no scale or demarcation. And just because one side or the other isn’t noticing it doesn’t mean I as a person of conscience, as a person of awareness am not still responsible for it. You invalidate your own position the minute you put it on scale with someone else’s suffering. White queers are not doing a great job right now of addressing their own internal racism. I don’t think that lets anyone off the hook for not dealing with homophobia any more than I think the fact that folks not dealing with the homophobia of their churches and families and communities excuses the white queer community from dealing with it’s racism. It’s not an either/or proposition, it’s not us and them. This is a both/and thing. I am interested in justice, and equality period, without reservation. I don’t focus on just one issue, or just one side. It’s all of us in this boat, and we all have to sail it or we will all surely drown.
Finally I am sick and tired of hearing about reverse racism. White folks listen carefully. It doesn’t exist. Are there black or latino folks who discriminate, absolutely. But that is not racism. Let me explain racism 101 for you. In order for there to be racism there has got to be an assumption of power. Someone outside of you, and internally you need to be perceived as a part of the power structure in order for racism to happen. Black, Latino, Asian folks are NEVER perceived as being within the power structure, even when they are. Therefore, although yes they may discriminate, it’s not racism.
Stop looking for excuses to not step up. Stop buying the line that “their” issue is not “our” issue, and stop telling me how “they” are doing enough about the homophobia, so we somehow get a free pass to be racist or to not deal with our privilege. It’s untrue and hurtful. Let’s stop hanging each other out to dry, and focus on justice and equality for all, in every sphere. If I am truly looking for freedom, I have to address oppression WHEREVER it is, not just when it’s “on me”. I have to examine the ways I was socialized to be an oppressor, so that I can be open when my friends tell me I slipped up. I have to examine what it means to have the assumption of privilege, even when I don’t feel privileged. I have to let go of the dualistic either/or zero-sum equation that the elite power-structure wants me to believe in, and demand that all people everywhere are free.
If you are a man loving white man, drop me a note, let’s sit down and discuss racism and sexism, let’s form a group of men who are willing to own our shit, and move beyond it. Let’s become better men, better fags, better people.
IN Zen we have a beautiful poem called the Sandokai. It was written in ancient China by a monk who was watching his community bickering over difference.
Sandokai is translated at SFZC to be “Harmony of Difference and Equality”. I am not going to talk much about the rest of the poem, although I think it is an amazing spiritual writing. I just want to look at the title.
Harmony is defined by Webster as:
1archaic : tuneful sound : melody
2 a: the combination of simultaneous musical notes in a chord b: the structure of music with respect to the composition and progression of chords c: the science of the structure, relation, and progression of chords
3 a: pleasing or congruent arrangement of parts (a painting exhibiting harmony of color and line) b: correspondence , accord (lives in harmony with her neighbors) c: internal calm : tranquillity
4 a: an interweaving of different accounts into a single narrative b: a systematic arrangement of parallel literary passages (as of the Gospels) for the purpose of showing agreement or harmony
It’s not that the notes are changed into something and brought together. Each note is appreciated as it’s own magical self. It is the bringing together of different notes that makes beautiful music possible. Harmony is such an incredible word. I want to live in Harmony. How often do we hear this? How often do we really truly try to practice it?
I also love that Difference comes before equality. You have to Difference in order to truly practice equality. True equality comes not from our sameness, but from our difference.
All of this leads up to me saying. What is it for me to be a white guy of concience? What am I doing to address the racism in myself and in those around me? I have started to look into the White Hetero normative, and am not proud of what I see. I am especially not proud of where I see my own participation in it’s perpetuation.
How do I break down a system that is so ingrained in me, I don’t even know I am engaged in it? What damage is this box doing to me? What limitations is it expressing in my life, and how is it stopping my heart from truly being open to all beings?
I took vows to Save all Beings. What that really means is I have to start seeing how I am practicing with the Harmony of Difference, and how I am bringing about the equality.
I am putting the call out.
I want to gather together white gay men and start to dialogue about racism. My friend Richard Wright, a man who I admire a great deal, is starting a similar group around Black Hetero Men, and Racism and Sexism. When I approached Richard and asked him what I could do to help or get involved he suggested I start a group of my own but starting the dialogue amongst white gay men.
When the White power structure of the LGBT community started trying to look at why communities of color didn’t support us, the conversation didn’t (but needed to) start with why we haven’t supported them. How do we exclude? How do we ignore our own privilege and inadvertently offend, or ignore our own non-white members? Why is it that so many of the folks I call friend or family don’t feel comfortable in the Castro? Why do they have to choose between which part of themselves to acknowledge or which oppressor to deal with? Most importantly, how do I contribute to this? What is my part in the relief of their continuing isolation?
So: A call to white gay men. Let’s do something really radical. Let’s come together and really look at our relationship to whiteness, to ethnic diversity, to racism. What does it mean, how is it we participate? We are all better off when we can live in a world of difference, and equality, but we have to be willing to sit down and look at our own shit first. If you are interested or know someone who is, please give them my email, send them a link here. Hook us up. I can’t do this alone
I love what John said at Americablog:
It’s odd, and therefore telling, that Obama considers all of us equals, yet he only seems to reach out to those who bash gays, and not those who bash blacks, or Jews, or people with disabilities, or any other member of America’s civil rights community.
Why is that?
If Obama wants to burnish his independent bona fides with a little Sista Souljah now and then, why is his sista always a dyke?
At some point, when your victim is always the same, your actions are no longer a sign of your independence. They’re a sign of your bigotry.
We continue to roll over and take it. We continue to let Elected officials throw us a bone, and then treat us like shit, until it’s time for them to seek re-election.
When Obama has a racist or an anti-semite at the table I may actually vote for him again, until then he is just another low life lying political hack fucking us over.
I am really interested in starting and working with a group of Gay White Men who want to meet regularly and discuss and dissect our relationship to Racism and Sexism. I got the idea from this amazing guy, and am not having luck getting other folks to make it a priority. I know we are all busy. I know we are all angry. I feel like this is something that may help us all a bit.
BTW go read what Richard has to say. I learn so much from him. What’s not to love about a Hetero, Black Male who works so hard to really free himself from Sexism and Homophobia.
I knew it would only be a matter of time. Barak Obama sold out the GLBT community for a photo op. I am sure some brilliant idiot had the idea that this would appease the Religious Right, and get them to back off of him. It won’t.
It will also cost him dearly. I can guarantee you that if this homophobic, anti=woman, anti-choice, pro dogmatic foreign policy piece of crap is on the stage I will not ever vote for Obama again. I will also actively campaign against him.
I am sick of apologists. I am sick of liars saying they are willing to let me get beaten up for the sake of inclusion. I am done putting up with the lies. I am sick of rolling over to someone’s idiotic ideals. I will not put up with it anymore. Prop 8 showed me and most of the LGBT community one thing. They want to not just have us shut up. They want us out of existence. We are considered second class, and we dont’ matter. I say we do all we can to show them that we matter. DON’T PUT UP WITH IT.
He would never have a holocaust denialist or a member of the KKK at the table. Why does this idiot get to be there? He whose name I refuse to even speak has views which are just as abominable. And yet Obama is willing to have him at the table.
FUCK YOU OBAMA
To all of you who claim to love me:
To all of you so called “Christians” who claim they love homosexuals, but still think we are all going to hell, and that it’s okay to vote to take away our rights. To all of you who want to equate my demonstrations against your bigotry and hatred with terrorism. To all of you who would say that anything which isn’t in keeping with your personal religious beliefs is an attack on those beliefs. To all of you who think you have a lock on God. To all of you who think they can tell me or anyone else how to live their life.
Fuck off!
God and Jesus don’t agree with you. As a matter of fact, you are an embarrassment to them. You are an affront to the very values you claim to hold so dear. You who would yell at someone with a splinter in their eye while not noticing the timber in yours. You who are so busy throwing stones, you can’t see your own shortcomings.
For the record:
Love is not taking away anyone’s right to love, and be happy.
Love is not thinking that your understanding of God, and religion is the only one that is right
Love is not voting in support of legislation or candidates who would deny me or anyone else the right to Life, Liberty and the pursuit of happiness that everyone else enjoys.
Don’t tell me you love me when you are not considering anything but yourself. Don’t tell me you love me when you aren’t willing to show me, or stand up for me, or move beyond what you think you know. Don’t tell me you love me if you have to add anything at all to it. Let me tell you what love is:
Love is knowing who I am and valuing that
Love is fair and just
Love is not hating anything about me not even my so called sins
Love is following the example of Christ and not buying into the stories the Pharisees and hypocrites tell you
Love is getting over your small idea of who God is and letting God out of the confines of your own ideas
Love is seeking truth and justice and standing up against everyone for that.
Love doesn’t have any qualifiers
Sincerely,
One pissed off faggot
I use Twitter, but I really love PLURK I want you all to go to PLURK and Sign up for me.. Cause well, I am just cool, and I said so…
How to make our lives an embodiment of wisdom and compassion is the greatest challenge spiritual seekers face. The truths we have come to understand need to find their visible expression in our lives. Our every thought, word, or action holds the possibility of being a living expression of clarity and love. It is not enough to be a possessor of wisdom. To believe ourselves to be custodians of truth is to become its opposite, is a direct path to becoming stale, self-righteous, or rigid. Ideas and memories do not hold liberating or healing power.
There is no such state as enlightened retirement, where we can live on the bounty of past attainments. Wisdom is alive only as long as it is lived, understanding is liberating only as long as it is applied. A bulging portfolio of spiritual experiences matters little if it does not have the power to sustain us through the inevitable moments of grief, loss, and change. Knowledge and achievements matter little if we do not yet know how to touch the heart of another and be touched.
Today we remember all of those who were murdered because of gender identity. Because they wanted to create a world where they could live in a body that matched what they thought about themselves. For simply living the full expression of who they are.
Check out the website HERE.
Remember the dead HERE.
Offer up a little blessing and love to those who suffer because of who they are.
Nonviolence belongs to a continuum from the personal to the global, and from the global to the personal. One of the most significant Buddhist interpretations of nonviolence concerns the application of this ideal to daily life. Nonviolence is not some exalted regimen that can be practiced only by a monk or a master; it also pertains to the way one interacts with a child, vacuums a carpet, or waits in line. Besides the more obvious forms of violence, whenever we separate ourselves from a given situation (for example, through inattentiveness, negative judgments, or impatience), we “kill” something valuable. However subtle it may be, such violence actually leaves victims in its wake: people, things, one’s own composure, the moment itself. According to the Buddhist reckoning, these small-scale incidences of violence accumulate relentlessly, are multiplied on a social level, and become a source of the large-scale violence that can sweep down upon us so suddenly. . . . One need not wait until war is declared and bullets are flying to work for peace, Buddhism teaches. A more constant and equally urgent battle must be waged each day against the forces of one’s own anger, carelessness, and self-absorption.
I thought this raised some interesting points, and brought up some ideas for me to look more deeply at.
What do you think?
